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Good evening. For those who do not recognize me, you may call me Dreamweaver. I am here to host the Decision Game. On this page, is a collection of comments I have personally scoured and collected throughout the week, all of which are deserving of your time. However, once you read through these comments, you will soon feel an aching void in your heart when you realize that you will have to wait an entire week for the next edition, and the agony you’ll endure in the meantime will be simply unbearable. And the cycle will continue to repeat, for all of eternity… or until I find something better to do with my time. Whichever happens first.
Of course, you could simply click on a link — any link really — to avoid such a torture… but then, that also means missing out on some of the truly great comments posted below. What will you do? Do you simply ignore what’s here and move on, thus never knowing true bliss? Or do you look, choosing to take instant gratification despite the consequences of a relapse? As you contemplate this choice, I will explain how comments will be categorized into three sections:
TRUTH:the average male can produce approximately 300 million sperm in one teaspoon of semen.
LOL:yet it only takes one sperm to impregnate a woman, and it can live inside a body for up to a week.
WUT?:it’s almost as if it’s… a single, solitary snail.
Forgive me, when I mentioned before that any link would allow you to avoid Comments of the Week, I forgot to take into account that I always postlast week’s editionfor those who simply missed out the first time. Or did I? Maybe I WANT you to remember how good these things are.
FromThe winners and losers of E3, according to me, Jed Whitaker
FromSuggested Price Warriors are vandalizing GeForce 1080 reviews
Dreamweaver:Listen to their grandmama… you don’t want your dick cut in half.
FromBalrog, Ibuki, story mode all coming to Street Fighter V at once
Dreamweaver:Yep, those are certainly ellipsises. Or is it ellipsi?
FromBungie opens up about what activities last-gen Destiny fans will be missing out on
Dreamweaver:There is no “they” in Destiny. Only I.
FromBrock Lesnar and his big dumb sword are on the cover of WWE 2K17
FromHTC: Here’s $10 billion dollars, go make something good
Dreamweaver:Do you know how much blow hookers blow money on?
Dreamweaver:People also be looking at you funny when you’re jerking it to porn in libraries too. Judgmental jerks.
FromReview: Inside
Dreamweaver:I bet it’s the same dude who named the company Playdead.
FromThe Division’s recent Steam reviews are ‘overwhelmingly negative’
Dreamweaver:Sex. He’s talking about making babies.
FromLocal Ford dealer steals Firewatch art to sell freedom (and cars)
Dreamweaver:Oh good, because I had a totally different white flavor in mind.
FromMicrosoft is winding down Xbox Fitness, even if you own it
Dreamweaver:What I say about my sexual performance.
Dreamweaver:Does chewing burn calories? I could do a hundred of those.
FromBatman remaster needs ‘additional time to deliver polished game experience’
Dreamweaver:I hear Development is nice this time of year.
FromNice! Games with Gold has The Banner Saga 2 in July
Dreamweaver:It’s funny… because it’s true.
From2K finally announces BioShock: The Collection
Dreamweaver:I can think of many uses for the phrase “Would you kindly…”
Dreamweaver:I prefer Silent Hill Thousand Island dressing.
FromFinal Fantasy XV goes Cindy crazy with its car decal DLC
Dreamweaver:…Donkey Lick that Cornbread?
FromTetris movie is a trilogy because the story is too big for one film
Dreamweaver:Why do any of us even bother commenting?
FromSonic Team’s new game confirmed for 2017
Dreamweaver:Why are you so negative? Maybe he cropped it to save memory.
FromSony screws over man after deeming his first name offensive
Dreamweaver:Bob Buttlicker? What’s his middle name, “the”? “Is a”?
Dreamweaver:When will he grace Destructoid, like our savior Matt Damon?
FromNintendo: Wii U will ‘continue to fight on,’ even if only Zelda is planned for it
Dreamweaver:Dang it, Dangus! I don’t need that imagery!
Dreamweaver:Did… did they also eat sushi off your naked uncle too?
FromThis Zero Escape recap should get you caught up for the new one
Dreamweaver:…So I should start with this one?
FromGenius Left 4 Dead mod replaces wall scrawls with Jaden Smith tweets
Dreamweaver:There is no Michael Cera. Only Zuul.
FromCapcom is still being coy about the Resident Evil 7 demo’s finger
FromSplatoon’s ‘last ever Splatfest’ will feature Callie vs. Marie
Dreamweaver:And penises.
Now it is time for you to sleep. When next you wake, know that you will have no memory of these past 90 minutes. Pleasant dreams…
Wait, you’re not wearing a watch, are you? Oh, well… this, this is embarrassing, then. You know what, just go.
